The Holiday Zombie...know the signs. Don't let it happen to you!
...or let it and wait for January for it to go away
I've mentioned this term once or twice before, but I don't think I ever explained what it is. Being it's the holidays and holiday zombies are about, I think it would be best to explain what they are. You know to identify one and protect yourself from becoming one.
The Holiday Zombie definition (from Kira's Dictionary), that mindless look holiday shoppers have as they wander the mall with bags and bags of gifts, half of which they probably don't need. The look also includes a sense of incoherency, attitude, and a where-am-I?/ death-is-upon-me-if-I-don't-hit-a-Starbucks-soon expression. It's basically the deterioration of the holiday spirit, mind and you, the closer it gets to Christmas.
What holiday zombies look like:
Hollowed cheeks from more shopping than eating.
Darks circles under their eyes from more shopping than sleeping.
Sporting running sneakers, sweatpants and sometimes sweatbands.
They're ripped, from constantly holding heavy shopping bags.
They drag their feet, and at times moan.
Basically this guy...
Common phrases of a holiday zombie include:
Why isn't this on sale?!
Oh 30% off, I'll take two. What is it again?
I'll be at the mall by 7am.
What time do you close? 11?! Why so early?
We only have 13 more shopping days!
Who's at risk?
People shopping since midnight on Black Friday.
People who have been clicking "place order" every free minute of the day since Cyber Monday.
People shopping since July (aka my mom).
People shopping the mall during peak hours, after 7pm Monday through Friday or anytime Saturday/Sunday.
People who have a shopping day count down.
People who don't know how to just stop shopping.
People that skip dinner, sleep, or their normal activities to shop.
About a week into the holiday season you'll witness a few holiday zombies. However by now, with only 4 shopping days left! You'll see 2 out of 3 shoppers have become holiday zombies. (true statistics)
So how to prevent this fearful plague? Here are my suggestions:Stop shopping for a moment to replenish yourself. You know those things food, water and sleep? Yeah their life's essentials. Keeps your mind going too, which makes sense when you have to figure out which coupon you have gives a better deal and you don't have a free hand to pull out your calculator.
Now that you know what a holiday zombie is, hopefully you can try to stop the transformation before it starts. Oh and if you happen to be attacked by one, like you grabbed the last batman snuggie on the shelf and it stirs a holiday zombie, weapons are defenseless, just scream there are 75% off door busters at the closest department store, you'll be fine.
"Either hell has frozen over or you're a zombie of a girl I used to know."